Author Topic: Trick-or-Treat, Drop the Sheet: This Week in Review!  (Read 121 times)

Darien Fenner

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Trick-or-Treat, Drop the Sheet: This Week in Review!
« on: November 03, 2013, 07:38:47 PM »

[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Trick-or-Treat, Drop the Sheet: This Week in Review!
November 3, 2013

I?m always a little bit sad when All Hallow?s Eve is over. Everyone has a holiday that they always look forward to during the year. Some folks like Yule for its gifts or its snow. Others wait for Beltane and is inevitable nudity and drunken escapades. And while I love those days as well, October will always be a favorite month for me. How many days a year can you shamelessly traipse around in ghoulish getup and frighten people? When else can women get away wearing nothing but electrical tape? And when else would it ever be appropriate to break out the chains and leather for a night more adventurous than yesterday?s?

Oh, wait. This is RhyDin.

Though Halloween has come and gone, the crazy never ceases. So put your masks back on and enjoy the moment! Just because the jack-o-lanterns aren?t out, it doesn?t mean the bar you?re day-drinking at isn?t haunted.

And now, my ghoulish guys and gals, on to gossip!  

Did we call it or did we call it? People don?t give enough credit to our writing or our predictions. You have to understand, RhyDin, much of what we put together is artfully constructed from keen observation and detective-like sleuthing skills. So yes, you?re DARN RIGHT Isuelt DeRomiano has been seen coming and going from Perpetually-Haunted-by-Explosions Ed Batten?s extravagant beach house off the northwest cliffs! Did we predict that couple or what? From what we?ve heard our favorite Scathach gal was reportedly missing for a few days recently and the only person who seemed to know where she was or how she was doing was Batten. So basically, either he?s got to be keeping her as a prisoner in his dungeon, or they're engaging in equally scandalous or suspicious activity. Either way, those two have something they?re hiding and we must discover what!

Speaking of completely ordinary, apparently a group of people sitting around in a circle talking to a rock is a thing now. That kind behavior goes without saying when it comes to Darcy and May (both of whom we?re pretty sure have one or two balls rolling around upstairs), and with Claire?s weird magic thing going on, we?re surprised she isn?t consulted for these things more often. Apparently the three of them, along with Khoom, Icer, and Zack, were arguing pretty vehemently in the Inn recently over some kind of gem and what to do with it. No word yet on exactly what the issue was, but we?re sensing it?s a Bristle Crios problem. Whatever it was, things got preeeeeetty heated between them, and didn?t end well. Can we get in on this rock-talking party next time?

Bristle Crios does have its own fair share of drama, after all. Lydia, the Head Mistress of the Academy, really ought to drop the hammer on their students. Then again, Lydia herself is the type who secretly goes out in the middle of the night and talks to strange men to plot and scheme, so maybe she isn?t necessarily the best role model. Granted, many of those Crios folks are downright adorable, but this is RhyDin! Toughen up!

Seriously. We hereby nominate Kitty Oh-Dot-Helston to take those Crios kids aside and teach them some common sense.  Recently one of theirs ? Lesinda, we?re told -  was seen in the company of Raunchy Rand, who evidently was introducing her to his wife. Ah, Morgan. We can already taste the sweet, sweet corruption pervading that whole dynamic. Don?t ever leave us again. Anyway, little Les must have some odd notions about what exactly being a mistress entails, because word has it she seemed very attached to our Rand and altogether uncomfortable with the way he brushed off her affections. Ladies and gents, we realize that some couples can pull off a mef, but meffing is an exception to the rule. Besides, it?s pretty hard to compete with Morgan. That woman is insanely hot, and Rand isn?t stupid enough to brush her off. Sorry, toots, but if you seriously expect a ring and some white picket fences from that deal, you need Kitty far sooner than we thought.

Oh, who am I kidding? I?ve saved my sympathy for far less interesting things. LET IT BURN.

All this hotness is getting out of hand! Because mother of mef, Jaycy is hot. I mean, we always knew she was hot, but she can pull off skintight leathers better than some people pull off their own skin. ? That was a weird sentence. What we mean is, her she-version of Robin Hood pretty much made our night. We weren?t the only ones who thought so, either, as once in character, she and Jake Thrash flirted pretty heavily the entire night. The two even left together, likely to make more trouble for the evening. And on behalf of men everywhere, I just have to say thank you to Jake. He flung that woman over his shoulder and hoisted her out of the Arena, giving us an absolutely ideal view of her perfectly shapely, perfect perfect? Hmm? Yes. Just reliving it now.

Where was I? Ah, yes. Memo for next year: Catwoman. Jaycy in latex, ladies and gentlemen. Just let that sink in.

Chryrie (looking FABULOUS, by the way) caught up with old pal Calix recently ? a guy who, for as long as we?ve known him, keeps tripping up our opinions of him. In person he seems like a decent enough listener, but without getting into ancient history, let?s just say in the past he has run with a questionable crowd. That being said, as pleasant as the conversation between Calix and Chry was, everything about it really could have been code for crazy that?s going down in their lives. We know, for one, that family and friend issues with Chryrie have prepared her to handle crazy effortlessly. She can beat the crap out of crazy and still have a perfect manicure. Calix, on the other hand, could go one way or the other. Sure, he could be helping Aja around Arcadia. Or he could be helping Aja around Arcadia. He could have been a generous citizen and given a RhyDin newcomer a place to stay, or he could have given her a place to stay. See? The right EmPHAsis changes everything.

You know? I?m slowly but surely beginning to come to the conclusion that some of the best gossip happens in the dueling venues. Then again, maybe it?s just a different kind of gossip. Conflicts at the Arena or Outback usually erupt in explosive violence and end in nuclear fallout. Elsewhere in RhyDin, folks tend to let their indignation fester until they act out in some passive aggressive, scandalous defamation of character. Man, do we love living in RhyDin. Anyway, imagine our surprise when Candy and Kalamere, two people who have been notoriously on edge around each other lately, were seen exchanging a perfectly candid ? even friendly ? conversation after the Masquerade Brawl. What does this mean? Is he plotting something? Is she? Are we having another issue with alternate Candies or Kals from other dimensions? The normality of the situation makes us more than a little uneasy. Normal with those two is NOT normal. Somebody do something!

WE SAW ELESS. And she?s still smokin? and we love her. This is the first reappearance of her we?ve seen so far, so we?re not quite sure what?s going on with her at the moment. Are she and Luke still a thing? Where?s she been? And most importantly, what?s the name of her personal trainer? As Eless is wont to be, she spent her brief cameo in the Inn recently inquiring of other folks? lives, while remaining very hush-hush about her own. We?re disappointed to say little has changed with us since we last spoke. Icer and Aurthur have yet another clutch, but that?s not new. Actually, some graduate students in the philosophy department at Westplace are working on a thesis that points to Icer as the source to all life in RhyDin. Definitely worth a read, as the more we think about it, the more it makes a strange amount of sense.

Though we didn?t have a chance to make it to Fright Night ourselves, we?re told that it went extremely well (also, that King is squeamish. Good to know). Kudos to Katt for putting together the spooktacular adventure! Also, kudos for all the able and willing participants, including you-know-who who donated basically every prize because s/he enjoys flaunting their riches (while disguising it as charity). But answer us this: If the night went so well, why, oh why has our Katt been so off her nut lately? As smexy as she looked on All Hallow?s Eve (bikini and chaps? Yes, please. We?re never letting go of these photos), she?s still been royally ticked off at something lately and we are curious to know what. The pressure of hosting? A fallout with friends or family? Got dumped? Discovered the power of feminine wiles? Whatever it is, we advise RhyDin to steer clear when she?s on a rampage. The girl is small, but can pack a whallop.

Out of curiosity, when did Shadow become so popular with the ladies? Seems everyone ? duelist or not ? who wanders in on one of his shifts is sweet on him. It?s the pointy ears thing, right? Through the magic of feminine logic, women automatically think the enhanced hearing that goes with elf ears means enhanced listening as well, which sets their legs all a-quiver. Myself? I?ll stick with perfectly tailored Armani. It?s worked out quite well for me so far.

 Speaking of nice suits, O.M.G. DRAMA! This particular suit goes by the name of Leon, and as far as we can tell, he has some serious history with relatively recent Inn regular Constance. Outwardly, we?ve heard their interaction has been rather polite, almost like old business associates. But every now and then something will happen ? a look, a comment, or a gesture ? and one or both will become genuinely unnerved. Given the fact that these two are sophisticated and exceptionally complex (and admittedly flirtatious), we are practically salivating while imagining the next time they are in the same room together. This pair has drama written all over it with a capital ?D,? and it?s times like this, when I?m aching to know what kind of internal monologue is going on in someone?s head, that I wish I was a telepath. Then again, I don?t know how tired I?d get of hearing just how much everyone is impossibly in love with me all the time. It can be hard work being this awesome.

That?s all for now, RhyDin! You stay sassy!