- The RhyDin Post?s black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men and one woman sit behind the desk. To the far left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray pinstripe suit. In the center (Chris Reed) is a man of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, in his late thirties, with a vertical scar running down one side of his face, and is wearing a black suit. To the far right is a svelte brunette woman in formfitting blue suit. Though attractive, she, too, has a scar running down one side of her face. All three look at the camera, obviously uncomfortable. -
Chris: Get off.
Woman: You get off.
Chris: It?s my chair.
Woman: My chair!
Peter: How?s it going, RhyDin? I?m, uh, Peter Pham, sports columnist.
Chris and Woman Together: And I?m Chris? No, I?m Chris? No you?re? Stop it! No YOU stop! STOP IT!
Peter: - Interrupting ?. They?re both Chris Reed.
Chris: You?re Christina. Possessing ovaries means you don?t get the privilege of being called Chris!
Christina: Piss off. If that were the case, then neither do you.
Chris: - Fist raised. ? You want some of this?!
Christina: Bring it, fatty.
Peter: It, ah, seems we have a bit of a situation here at the Post. In case you haven?t heard, there appears to be more than one version of the Post staff wandering around. That is... duplicates, or alternates, or whatever they are, and...
Chris: Get your scrawny a** off my chair!
Christina: This scrawny a** will kick yours if you don?t MOVE IT!
Peter: And it appears our Mr. Reed was, ah, a Miss Reed in another realm.
Christina: Oh, I?m sorry. Were you talking about him? - Jabs Chris in the ribs with her elbow. ?
Peter: I really don?t want to get in the middle of this.
Chris: Oh, man up, Pete.
Peter: Interesting choice of words.
Chris: There?s got to be some way of resolving this amicably.
Chris: Huh. I guess you had to choose between education and those double-D?s.
Christina: Joke?s on you for looking at them.
Peter: Look, I?m going to go ahead and roll the footage, OK? Apple Anderson versus Queen, for Pathfinder on September 7th.
Chris: Apple again?
Christina: Oh my god, I swear on Vincent Smith?s grave I will cut you if you have anything bad to say about her.
Chris: Smith is dead?! Wait, how good is Apple where you come from?
Christina: Very good. Like here, except more battle-hardened. Plus she?s got this whole goth thing going on.
Chris: Huh. Interesting.
- Roll footage, Round 1. JB/SW 1-0 Anderson. ?
Anderson: ?I'm a Diamond." Was it said to Queen - or to herself? The answer wasn't clear, but her fist was. She started off with a step in and a harsh swing of her fist for Queen's temple as the blonde went for the sweep.
Peter: Can we start off by admiring that these two took it to the next level by having their challenge in not only Fern, but also the Pool and Bridge?
Christina: Shut up, Pete. We should be starting off by focusing on how bad a** Apple is ? in both realms.
Chris: You can?t tell Pete to shut up. Only I can tell Pete to shut up.
Peter: You never tell me to shut up.
Chris: Shut up, Pete.
Peter: In spite of the foliage, perhaps it?s a testament to Anderson?s confidence that she starts out the final round so aggressively. Queen just reached Emerald, and even when they?re tied 1-1, Anderson humbles her with her fists.
Chris: Humbling isn?t quite the right word. Queen isn?t the kind to be fazed easily. She strikes me as the type to fix up her makeup after you mash her face in, and then smile at you.
Christina: She actually did that on live television during the DQ where I come from. Was pretty entertaining.
Chris: OK. This makes no sense. This woman is not qualified to provide commentary.
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. CH/FeB 2-0 Anderson. ?
Anderson: The first punch struck. Her body twisting then, the opposite fist rising up for its shot to rock Queen's jaw in a vicious uppercut.
Queen: She'd felt her face rolling after the first one but the uppercut had been repaid from the first bout. Reeling on her backpedals she'd dig that left foot in and snap her face back to place.
Peter: Not quite sure about this round? All I see is limbs flying everywhere. I almost wish we?d covered the Bridge match instead.
Chris: Seriously, Pete, you need to get out and duel a little. It?s clear here that Queen is trying to adopt a bit of camouflage.
Peter: She?s not green, Chris.
Chris: Strategically, I mean. Open your eyes, dangit. Queen knows that Anderson is all fists, so she?s drawing her in. Testing the waters, so to speak.
Christina: Reminds me a little of Jayce back home. Pretty quick with the hands, that one.
Chris: Jaycy? Yeah, I agree with you. Anderson?s definitely channeling a little bit of her brawler side, there.
Christina: Jayce. I said Jayce. He?s a guy, and yes, he?s not a bad brawler.
Chris: But Jaycy is married to Pslyder!
Christina: Psly?s very open minded.
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. SnK/SnK 3-1 Anderson. ?
Anderson: Her right knee rose, leg snapping out. The appendage seeking out Queen's exposed side, yet they seemed to both have the same idea. Andrea followed through with her blow and in response simply bit he bullet to take the trade.
Chris: Sha. Good luck trying to effectively land a kick in those bushes.
Peter: I have a feeling Queen wasn?t as bothered by her obscured line of sight as she was by Anderson?s lead.
Chris: I don?t know nearly enough about Queen, but I have a feeling she?s a no-nonsense type of duelist.
Christina: Where I come from, she?s the type who takes what she wants. But then, Apple?s even worse. I?d honestly never expected to see a pair of this caliber. It?s pretty exciting.
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. SW/FeFL 4-1 Anderson. ?
Anderson: Recovering from the kick and using it as fuel for her next move. She stepped after her own kick was finished and gave a pivot of her body. Moving low enough to stay out of grab range. Her fist, no longer feeling the urge to go for Queen's face, directed itself to her stomach.
Peter: That?s? an odd call for such a maneuver.
Christina: You?re an odd call. I can?t believe you landed this show.
Chris: Hey. You insult Pham, you answer to me.
Peter: Thanks, Chris.
Chris: Piss off, Pete.
Christina: It?s not about line of sight anymore. It?s not about feints. It?s about who can attack more quickly, end of story.
Chris: If I were in that environment, I?d play my hand like Queen is. Careful. Deliberate.
Christina: And that?s the reason you never beat D?Artainian in the rings.
Peter: At the risk of playing Devil?s Advocate, I?ll say I also prefer Queen?s strategic method. Not everyone can get lucky with brute force like Anderson.
Peter: Yes, luck.
Christina: Are you terribly attached to your man parts, Mr. Pham?
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. FaDo/FaDu 4-1 Anderson; FaDu/FaDo 4-1 Anderson. ?
Anderson: Pulling back after the blow. She'd step away and bring back up her guard. Her emotions telling her to continue pounding, but her brain told her different.
Queen: The blow was taken to the stomach and she'd need a good second to get that air back. Her head was throbbing and one way or another this was going to end.
Chris: Speaking of? Looks like Anderson may be rethinking that salvo of fists and feet. It?s certainly not because she?s wearing down.
Christina: Of course not. Look at how the sudden shift jars Queen out of her element. You wanted strategy, Pete? Try recovering your momentum after that.
Peter: Yes, but it seems to work both ways. Neither knows exactly how to continue at this point.
Chris: OK. I?ve just gotta ask. In a ring, Matt Simon or Apple Anderson?
Christina: Tough fight, but Matt Simon. Always Matt Simon.
Chris: I wonder if there is any reality where he sucks. I doubt it.
Christina: Nah. His awesome pretty much transcends space and time.
Chris: ? You?re not bad looking, you know.
Peter: I don?t like where this conversation is headed.
- End footage, Round 7 and 8. SW/JB 4-2 Anderson; JB/SnK 5-2 Anderson. ?
Anderson: Queen exploited her as she bent her knees.. but she grit her teeth and used this to her advantage. Springing up, both feet leaving the ground as she did. Her right knee bending and aiming straight for her jaw. Muay Thai on display with the flying knee to finish the match.
Queen: Knee was taken and she'd lose her footing completely. That was that. She'd brush herself off and give a nod to Dioxane, that was all from her. She'd give Andrea her due stare and before departing she'd spit a little blood. "Still as sharp as you were then. ?Till next time."
Peter: Wow. Queen really isn?t rattled easily, even in the face of such a brilliant display of speed and finesse by Anderson. I?m more than a little bit interested to see what else Queen plans to do with that new rank of hers, but Chris and I will be sure to be watching for it. Right, Chris? Chris? What?re you? Oh? my? god.
- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris and his alternate appear to be kissing. ?
Peter: So wrong. So? traumatized. Andrew! Cut it! Burn it! Never let it see the light of day. - Looking at Chris. ? Are you nuts?
Chris: - Pausing. ? No, I?m not. I?m just?
- The entire tape becomes static. Several seconds later the picture resumes, and Chris Reed and Peter Pham are the only ones behind the desk. Chris Reed appears to have plumes of smoke rising from his shoulders. ?
Chris: Wh? What happened?
Peter: Well, I could be wrong, but I think, I think by making out with yourself, you just created a paradox that wiped out an entire universe.
Chris: No way that?s what happened. That was completely natural. It was bound to happen.
Peter: That was natural?
Chris: Sure. There?s no harm in having a little fun with yourself. I mean? I do it all the time when
Peter: OH MY GOD STOP TALKING. Andrew, call ?cut? or so help me I will remove the tape from the camera and cram it somewhere unpleasant.
Chris: I feel a little strange.
Peter: Oh, now he feels strange. What? - Someone off screen is speaking to him. ? Oh, right. Excellent defense, Anderson, and well tried Queen. Thanks for tuning in. Stay sporty. Yada, yada... Now can we cut?
- Blackout. Voices continue. ?
Chris: Pete? I seem to be wearing a push-up bra.
Peter: So take it off.
Chris: But? It feels so right.
- End tape. ?