- The RhyDin Post?s black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a khaki suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a black suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Chris happens to be wearing a giant white, black, and red foam finger. Both men smile at the camera. -
Peter: How?s it going, RhyDin? I?m Peter Pham, sports columnist.
Chris: And I?m Chris Reed, former dueler. What up, my orckies and elfies?
Peter: What?s that you?ve got there, Chris?
Chris: Oh this? Just a little something-something supporting my team, Pete.
Peter: You know we?re supposed to be unbiased here, Chris.
Chris: Yeahhh, I know. - Holds up a Go CrushBob! sign at the camera. -
Peter: I?m sitting right here! It?s not like I can?t see that!
Chris: You see nothing!
Peter: - Yanks the sign out of Chris?s hands and tosses it on the ground behind the desk. He looks at the camera again. - Well, RhyDin. It?s January eighteenth. You know what that means! Megabrawl aside, it is the combat kickoff for the Tour de RhyDin!
Peter: - Coughing. - He doesn?t mean that.
Chris: I do, Pete! The team has got a former Archmage, the Megabrawl winner, and both Simons on it! I put half my salary on this team!
Peter: I hope you?re not serious.
Chris: I uh? well, I?
Peter: - Exasperatedly. - Just tell them what we?re doing tonight, will you?
Chris: Tonight! Tonight we have decided to be a little unorthodox and take a look at a regular fight in the good ?ol Outback!
Peter: That?s right, Chris. In the spirit of the Tour de RhyDin, we?ve picked one of the first for-points matches in regular brawling. This one is some great footage of Governor Simon vs. Salvador Delahada.
Chris: - Peers at a paper. - That?s CrushBob vs? Deathcake? What kind of a name is Deathcake?
Peter: Well what kind of a name is CrushBob?
Chris: It?s got the word ?crush? in it.
Peter: Well Delahada?s has the word ?death? in it.
Chris: ? Touch?.
Peter: Anyway! Let?s get on to the fight, shall we?
- Roll footage Round 1. FL/JB 1-0 Simon. -
Peter: Youch! That one?s a bit of a surprise to me. In my experience, Delahada has been a bit quicker on his feet than that!
Chris: Oh he?s got skill, Pete. No doubt about that. He?s almost disgustingly fast. But the governor?s got loads of experience on his side.
Peter: That?s one fluid motion, though! Simon didn?t even bat an eyelash!
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. LS/SnK 1 All. -
Delahada: Oh, and, from the ground there he repaid the favor of the chest kick to Matt.
- Zoom in, slow motion on Salvador?s kick connecting. -
Peter: There we go. That?s the speed I was talking about. See how quickly he positions himself in this opening? Down the governor goes, and *boop*. Right in the sternum.
Chris: I wonder if that?s going to leave him breathless for the next round?
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. FaDO/LS 2-1 Delahada. -
Simon: Tries to backhand his opponent, but finds himself falling instead.
Delahada: The rotation of his body to bring himself back up to his feet also did wonders to take Matt's legs out from under him at the same time. Salvador himself wound up in a crouched position.
Chris: Guess that answers my question? but what has Delahada got in his blood? That was one continuous motion, that sweep! I hardly blinked, and he?s on his feet again!
Peter: I?m telling you. Delahada?s a sneaky one. He?s got something other fighters don?t.
Chris: Yeah. Deathcake. What?s in this ?deathcake,? and more importantly, where can I get some?
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. LS/JK 2-1 Delahada. -
Peter: - Laughing. - Delahada?s about as lithe as Simon is unpredictable, it seems!
Chris: Please. He completely miscalculated that one. Don?t kid yourself!
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FaDO/UC 2 All. -
Delahada: Lunging up out of his crouch got him back-handed for his trouble. Salvador stumbled forward, swearing through his teeth.
Chris: Got a little bit of a mouth on him, doesn?t he?
Peter: He just got smacked. What do you expect him to say? ?Thank you, sir, may I have another??
Chris: - Low whistle. - I sense impending copywright infringement!
- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FL/SpK 2-3 Delahada. -
Delahada: His cellphone is probably getting more use out of it from Suliss than ever from himself. As for in the ring, from his stumble, he twisted around, pivoting on the ball of one foot, and brought the heel of his other boot in against Matt's shoulder.
Chris: Ow, ow, OW! What are you doing Simon?! You were wide open!
- Zoom in on Matt overreaching and Salvador?s foot connecting. Slow motion. Action replay. -
Peter: Complete oversight on Simon?s part. He was moving at posted speeds, there. Not really his night, is it?
Chris: I imagine he?s pretty out of it after the Megabrawl, Pete. That was just the night before! Delahada, too, but he seems like he?s worked all the soreness out already.
Peter: These guys have never heard of ?recovery time,? have they?
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. JB/JB 3-4 Delahada. -
Simon: It's not like he's in tip-top shape after the prior night, and it's showing as he can't get in quickly enough.
Peter: He?s seriously lagging, if I may say so, but he does manage to get a hit in!
Chris: Finally! CrushBob does a little bit of that crushing! Flying? flying? NAILED!
Peter: Ouch! One on the governor, too! A shame there aren?t super-slick wards curing these fighters as they go!
- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. FaLE/SnK 4 All. -
Simon: He takes to the air, going right by the inbound leg and letting his elbow fly into it.
Delahada: Salvador twisted aside with a hissing grunt from that unexpected Flying Governor Strike.
Chris: Oh, the governor?s not done yet! Look how easily he takes advantage of that poor balance by Delahada!
Peter: I?m going to have to agree with you there, Chris. Delahada put too much faith in his speed, and blindly shot out in hopes that he?d land something before Simon got too high. He paid for it with a painful blow!
Chris: That puts them head-to-head!
- End footage Round 8. Camera pans back to Chris, who is munching popcorn and waving his foam finger. -
- Roll footage Round 9. JB/LS 5-4 Simon. -
- Slow motion; White arrow follows Matt?s punch connecting. Action replay. -
Chris: Going? going? GONE!
Peter: This isn?t baseball, Chris.
Chris: This is RhyDin. Like these people even know what baseball is. For all they know, I could have trademarked that phrase.
Peter: Only you just gave yourself away. Just now.
- Camera pans back to the studio, where Chris is throwing up popcorn. -
Chris: Pfffffff. I could care less. My team won!
Peter: I do have to admit that was quite a close call, though.
Chris: Simon certainly is one to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
Peter: And since the governor is a dan for team CrushBob, and Delahada is a champion, CrushBob earns four nobles for that win.
Chris: And a spectacular win it was! CRUSHBOOOOOOBBB! - Throws up more popcorn. -
Peter: Though I am curious as to where Delahada has come from. Unless I?m mistaken, he?s relatively new to the dueling scene.
Chris: Maybe he just took a break from it for a while? He?s got mad skills, though. I?m eager to see what else Deathcake has to offer.
Peter: As am I. That about does it for us! From all of us at the Post, I?m Peter Pham.
Chris: And I?m Chris Reed!
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- End tape. -