Author Topic: Letters to the Columns  (Read 1674 times)

Darien Fenner

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Re:
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2009, 03:15:19 PM »
Article Responses!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Mr. Bane,

How very kind of you to include me in your "Sexiest Women of Rhy'Din" list. I am truly flattered and thank you for the mention. It brought a smile to my pouty lips. As a reward for this, I have enclosed a key to one of those closed doors you spoke of. I invite you to come unlock it any time and find out just how adventurous I am. And as far as my running out of men to date, well, I have an emergency plan should that ever happen. It is more like a motto, really, and I would like to share it with you.

When in doubt, recycle.

Sincerest regards,
Tara Anne Marie Rynieyn




Dear Tenacious Tara:

Good philosophy! See the good in bad... or the really bad. I'll just keep this in the boudoir, shall I?

Stay sassy, T. Tara! We should do lunch sometime! Kisses!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Darien Fenner

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Re:
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2009, 01:18:27 PM »

[size=9]Junior Columnist: Ashley Weatherl[/size]

Article Responses!

Dear Ms. Weatherl,

In regards to your most recent article concerning "The Post's List of Top 25 Sexiest Men in RhyDin!"

Seriously? I'm listed at number 21? 21! How could you and the rest of the staff of the Post's gossip column put me in such a low position? What is wrong with you women! And you even have the gall to call me "skanky"? Skanky! Me! Dris! I am the sexiest man in all of RhyDin, I'll have you know!

I'm a thousand million times way sexier than that has-been Sinjin Fai! Even more so than that boy Salvador! And yet you place me at number 21, below all these other nameless wannabes? I am appalled, madam! I am shocked and horrified. I confess ... wounded by your baseless accusations. I am NO skank! How insulting!

Heart broken,

- S. Driscol



Dear D.D. Dris:

First of all, keep in mind that there are some people who didn't even make the list! We had a strict set of guidelines to work with and a room full of beautiful women. A few were still gunning for your placement, though!

That aside, we at the Post heard a little rumor about something-something having to do with scissors which leads us to believe that we were right in our assessment of you. Prove us wrong, baby, and we'll be happy to reconsider.

Kisses, D.D. Dris! We still love you, even if you are a little bit handsy!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

G

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Re:
« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2009, 02:19:12 PM »
To those involved with the article "25 sexiest men in Rhydin."

You've obviously been drinking the water.  My exclusion to this list is, honestly, ridiculous.  Hmm, it's not so much the fact that I am not listed on her(I can take not being in the top ten), as much as it is ridiculous that there are certain others listed above me.  Vince Smith?  Jin Eternity?  Vanion?  Have you or your other voters even seen these people?

I would suggest that you all might do a bit better to get out and see the world a little more.  Or at least perhaps see about a new eyeglass prescription.

G Dragoon-Talanador.
G'nort Dragoon-Talanador
Duel of Swords Legend. Best In The World™.
First All Time DoS Title Holder.
Listed as "Daddy" in your daughters contacts list.
[img:07f6020282]http://i.imgur.com/MmD5h37.gif[/img:07f6020282]

Rekah Illyriana

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Re:
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2009, 04:29:54 PM »
To the Post People,

Hi. I'm glad you're making a newspaper about important things like how Sin,Sal,Lucky and Ali are great. There should be more newspapers like that. Someone told me that you put me on a list saying how great I was too. I was shocked!

Does this mean I have to start wearing shoes? Because really I don't think I want to go there.

Thanks for including me! I've never been on any lists like that before! Maybe I can be on another one sometime!

<3,
-Rekah
“The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms."~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Darien Fenner

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Re:
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2009, 12:24:37 AM »

[size=9]Junior Columnist: Ashley Weatherl[/size]

Article Responses!

Dear Miss Weatherl,

Fabulous piece on RhyDin?s Sexiest Men! I realize that if you listed every single man in RhyDin the list would be insanely long, but I do feel a few deserving gents were left off.

Tasselhofl Momus- How could you have forgotten the debonair Tass? He might be a little older, but the man?s pretty hot for his age. Consider the Beltane Festival where he was naked. He put the bonfire to shame.

Alper Ergin II- How could you forget this Turkish Delight? Green eyes that twinkle with a bit of mischief, scruff that makes him look downright dangerous and that smooth velvet voice? Completely swoon worthy!

Alec Tuttle- There?s something to be said for the strong silent type. The blond haired, hazel eyed hottie oozes confidence, which we all know is very sexy.

Thorne-- Most days, you do see him hiding his sexiness in the guise of a cute puppy. When he appears in his human form though, look out. Striking good looks and a wicked sense of humor. What more could a girl want?

Neo Eternity- Big brother Jin has it going on, no doubt. But little brother is not easy to ignore. Dark hair, those oh so sexy blue eyes and the sense of chivalry. Come on, were you in a day dream about one of the other men to miss this nugget of hotness? And he?s single to boot!

Tru Onyxfire -- I admit the bias here. He is my oh so sexy fiance. Maybe you just missed him? As he is rather busy running West End Customs. Elves are hot anyway, they?ve got the aristocratic look about them. Something damn sexy about that. Tru?s got a great smile too. I could go on, but you get the idea. Love colored glasses? Maybe. But he?s a hottie.

G?nort Dragoon-Talanador - A sexiest man list without G? Lord, it?s like a day without sunshine! Redheads are naturally sexy, G?s no exception!

Otherwise, fabulous list, Miss Weatherl. Thank you for the entertainment!

All the best
Lady Aja Bird
[size=9]Owner Arcadia Shipyard[/size]



Dear Perky Provocative Pirate Aja and Soon-to-be Mrs. Onyxfire:

Thank you for understanding that a committee was made to meet and agree upon our Top 25. Rest assured, we considered many, many men in RhyDin, a number of them who unfortunately did not make the list. Our Top 25 has already been published, and we can't revoke it, but for your peace of mind, we've decided to address your suggestions.

Alper Ergin II and Alec Tuttle: Who?

Thorne and Neo Eternity: Cute, but not necessarily sexy.

Tru Onyxfire: You are correct; he is a very good-looking elf, and he actually was very close to making it onto our list. But has the tendency, we've heard, to misbehave a little bit. We have also heard rumors that he's the mean jealous type! Is this true?? That is NOT sexy!

G?nort Dragoon-Talanador and Tasselhofl Momus: This is historic, ladies and gents. How would we POSSIBLY have forgotten these two!? Someone smack us in the back of the head-- we were so wrapped up in Sexy Spaniard Sal's and Steamy Sinner Sin's complete lustiness that we left off two of our favorite duel-frequenters! Thank you, Perky Provocative Pirate Aja, for setting the record straight! For our article, we would like to add two honorable mentions:

Luscious Honorable Mentions for RhyDin's Sexiest Men!

Tasselhofl Momus
He might claim he's old, but we SWEAR Tantalizingly Tacky Kiss-Thief Tass has the heart of a spry fifteen-year-old... and occasionally the maturity of one. We're totally O.K. with that, though, because it's a big heart! We hear he's hitched to Kit-Kat Kitty. Seriously? She tolerates his shenanigans? We can't decide if we think that's absolutely nauseating or FANTASTIC! This is like... the sex-infused power-couple! Accumulating kisses, one RhyDinian at a time! Keep it up, T.T.K.T. Tass! We are sooo swooning over you and your adorable lecherousness!

G?nort Dragoon-Talanador
Gabby Grabby Gorgeous G'nort, we hear, is the Duel of Swords' prized dueler. Given his silly slash dark sense of humor, we don't really know how we feel about Quadruple G walking around with sharp, pokey devices. But apparently he's really good! We're willing to bet that a man with that kind of energy and spirit can wield his... AHEM... weapon pretty damn well. We've heard he's pretty darn popular in the dueling scene, but honestly we don't know what his relation situation is! What's the deal, Quadruple G? Fill us in so we can brag about you in our gossip column!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Darien Fenner

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December 13th.
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2009, 09:14:13 PM »
Help! RhyDin ITSELF is Driving me Nuts!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Emmet,

I am a hard working professional woman, who also participates hard in the duels.

Hard work and effort on the part of those who participate are supposed to be appreciated, not scorned, from what I understand.

Therefore, it truly surprises me when said scorn is coming from some of the more well known names in the duels.

Since when is hard work and perseverance, among other things, a dirty word?

I just don't get it.

Signed,
NOT Resting On Her Laurels



Dear Not Resting on her Laurels:

First of all, who are the ones doing the scorning? Are they who you would consider competition? Do they possess the kind of character that is already inherently scornful? Are they even involved in your sport? Depending on your answers, it might come as no surprise that you?re facing negativity-- especially if you end up doing better than others. Dale Carnegie said, ?Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.? Are your critics these kinds of people? Should they be?

That aside, what concerns me is the tone of your letter. It seems almost indignant, if not hurt. My dear, hard work is appreciated. And while some of your colleagues may appreciate the effort you put into your sport and work, you need to understand that where there is competition, there will always, always be criticism. The only way you can avoid it is by doing nothing, saying nothing, and being nothing. That being said, if you perform in a sport or job you love, you need to challenge yourself for your sake, and not worry so much about what others are saying about it. That?s why you persevere, right? Because you enjoy it? Don?t let critics take that from you!

Hang in there, and keep your chin up. I?m sure someone, somewhere is watching and sees you!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Jaycy Ashleana

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Re:
« Reply #21 on: December 17, 2009, 02:45:02 PM »
M'lord Bane:

Aye, they can keep up with me, very well in fact.  All of them.  Pslyder, in particular, is beyond amazingly able.  

Hugs and kisses.

((The note is unsigned but the writer is probably obvious, given the subject matter. ))

Ehzoterik

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Re:
« Reply #22 on: December 17, 2009, 08:20:26 PM »
[size=9](The following letter was obviously written using a crayon.)[/size]

Dear Meester Candy Cane,

Gosh!  I sure am super-dee-dupery honored to have made it into your RhyDin yearbook thingymajobber.  But I have to tell you a secret.  Shh.  Not many people know this.  Spontaneous Human Combustion is a myth!  True story.  I saw it in an episode of CSI, and that Grissom knows everything there is to know about everything!  You should trust him if not me.  Really.  He's a scientist, and scientists are smart!

But that's not why I'm writing.  See.  You made a mistake.  I'm prone to believe that it was just a typo error on your part, but you never know.  On the off chance that you're just a silly heathen who has never had the grace of Cor bestowed upon you in your lonely little life, I think you should know...  Corlanthis is the Cartwheel GOD!  Not a king, silly.  Cor's a bonafide honest to goodness GOD!  And every time you cartwheel, you should be thanking him for his blessing.

Well, that's all I had to say.  I hope Cor doesn't smite you for getting it wrong.  I mean, it's an honest mistake, right?  A bit of typewriter malfunction probably?  Or do you guys use computers over there at The Post?  In any case, it was nice writing to you.  Have a fantastic life!  For however much longer you've got one.

Hugs and kisses,

Ehzoterik VonArcanum Tempestas
"The point is you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later." -- Ford Prefect. [u:b5e2c31c7f]Life, the Universe, and Everything[/u:b5e2c31c7f]

Darien Fenner

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Re:
« Reply #23 on: December 18, 2009, 01:32:02 AM »
Article Responses!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Ehz:

You are absolutely right. We stand corrected. Corlanthis is much more appropriately named The Cartwheel God. It flows off the tongue a lot better, too!

And as for CSI, we totally agree. Grissom is much cooler than that has-been Horatio what's-his-face.

Kisses, Ehz! We should do lunch!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Ehzoterik

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Re:
« Reply #24 on: December 30, 2009, 05:25:41 PM »
[size=9](This letter was obviously written in green crayon.)
[/size]
Dear Meester Candy Cane Bane,

You're funny.  Ehzbubbles is a good name.  Ehz likes it.  Probably because Ehz also likes bubbly, and, well, bubbles.  Bubbles are great all around, no matter how they come.  You should totally promote the protection and safety of bubbles everywhere!  Now that's a good idea.  The League of Bubble Defenders Agency and Support.  SLOBDAS?  That's got promise!

But I don't know what you mean by hard to get.  That's why you're funny.  Well, sure.  Not many people get Ehz, that's true.  That's just because they don't know things like Ehz does.  And most of them don't want to know.  I've seen brains literally explode from trying to be informative, and it's not pretty.  All that gooey pink gunk oozing out the ears?  Not pretty at all.  Kind of gross actually.

If Gem weren't all deadified, she could tell you what Ehz likes!  Other than bubbly.  Though I don't know why you want to know what Ehz likes.  Candy is always good.  You're right about that.  But no peanut butter.  At least not a lot of peanut butter.  I only like the edges of the Reese's Cups you know.  Sometimes I make sculptures with the middles!  It's great fun.  You should try it some time.

Oh!  By the way.  About that lunch thing.  Do you happen to like cheese?  I love cheese!  Not as much as chocolate, but chocolate's not as good for lunch as cheese is.  We should have a cheese lunch.  Cheese lunches are the best!

Hugs and kisses,

Ehzoterik VonArcanum Tempestas
"The point is you see, that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later." -- Ford Prefect. [u:b5e2c31c7f]Life, the Universe, and Everything[/u:b5e2c31c7f]

Darien Fenner

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January 1st
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2010, 03:06:26 AM »
Published Announcements!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to request that the following announcement be posted in your January 1st edition of your next publication to kick off the new year.


Quote
Sheridan "Dris" Driscol, renowned luthier, musician and dueling sports official, announces his engagement to Icarus Abraxas Dahaki-Marcotte, heir of House Kalseru. Mr. Driscol is the son of Weylin and Lavena Driscol of Canterbury, England circa 1900s Earth, both deceased, and Mr. Marcotte is the son of Samuel Marcotte (deceased) and the honorable Lady Azhi Dahaki, both from the Kingdom of Tarn. The date for this wedding has yet to be decided.


My thanks in advance, and happy holidays.

Best regards,

S. Driscol


Wowee, RhyDin! We're honestly not sure what to say! Dris is getting married?! Are we hearing things right? Are we totally hungover from the New Year's parties we crashed! DRIS?! Our Dris?! We're not sure if we're terrified or completely THRILLED! You have our hugest congratulations and best wishes, Dricarus couple! Good luck, and may you have a great and raunchy life together!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Darien Fenner

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January 10th.
« Reply #26 on: January 11, 2010, 01:35:36 AM »
Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Bane,
How does one explain they see the potential for more in a relationship without scaring off the other person?

Signed,
Scrambled in Seaside


Dear Scrambled in Seaside:

This is a particularly difficult question to answer, because I?m sad to say not every person is the same. The world would be a lot more boring if they were!

This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but there will always be those who have a fear of commitment. No matter how slowly you take it, if you have the future talk or mention the ?L? word, some people just balk. You can?t help that. Besides, oftentimes those hardcore commitment felons are the ones you want to avoid like the plague. So you?re better off weeding them out anyhow.

But you want to be cautious. I can understand that. So here?s what you can do to soften the blow:

1. When you pose the future question, make it initially about your partner. Ask what her or his thoughts are first. Do not announce expectations! That is the kind of thing that will frighten someone away.

2. If the question is answered vaguely or not at all, don?t despair. Maybe he or she isn?t quite sure of his or her future just yet, or of the relationship. That doesn?t mean they don?t like you, though, so just let it slide and ask again after a little while.

3. Make sure you express why you feel the question is necessary, but refer to #1. Do not set expectations; merely explain that you think the relationship is going fabulously and you?re excited to see what it has in store for the both of you.

One more thing I?d like to note: If you are uncomfortable asking the question, it?s probably too soon to ask it. The reason you want to suggest that the relationship is going somewhere is because you?re happy with him or her, right?  

Good luck! And remember to stay sassy!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Lady Sarah

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Re:
« Reply #27 on: January 15, 2010, 01:50:50 PM »
A simple white envelope filled with simple white paper was sent on its way to Emmet Bane. Upon the paper was the simple black ink to go along with all the simplicity.

Quote
Dear Mr. Bane,

I find it quite flattering that you feel that I'm one to be watched. Even snagged up, but really, there is no need to. I'm perfectly fine in my silence, honestly. I'm a thinker, that's true, but trust me when I say I'm harmless. You don't need to say such sweet things, really, I'm fine as I am.

Sarah Matthews


Even though it's simple and to the point, it sounds like the sender was flustered or nervous. It's hard to tell.

Darien Fenner

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February 4th.
« Reply #28 on: February 04, 2010, 02:17:55 PM »
Published Announcements!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Maranya Tatiana Valkonan, Alper Ergin II, Antonio Falconne

Quote
Maranya Tatiana Valkonan, Alper Ergin II, and Antonio Falconne were married January 17th, 2010, in the Red Dragon Inn's Great Hall. Colleen MacLeod presided over the event, where the bride married her grooms in an elegant dual ring and wedding necklace ceremony.

Presented in marriage by Tasslehoffl Momus, the bride, in a wedding gown designed by Koyliak VanDuran-Simon of The Heavenly Boutique, was attended by Aja Bird as her maid of honor and Sivanna Tuttle as her matron of honor.

Bridesmaids were Xenia Chirikova, Kelathe, and Duci Lovasz.
Alper's best man was his brother, Bashir Ergin.
Ushers were Neo and Jin Eternity.
Misty was the flower girl.
Thorne in his winged wolf cub form was the ring bearer.

A string quartet and harpist provided the music for both the ceremony and reception.

The reception was held at the Red Dragon Inn's Great Hall. Sivanna Tuttle and Neo Eternity were responsible for the elegant d?cor of the Hall. Lasher's Italian Restaurant was responsible for the catered buffet meal, and Divine Delights Bakery provided the trio of wedding cakes.

Maranya is the Chief of Staff at Riverview Clinic.
Alper is the president of Ko? Holding.
Antonio is a well respected Multiversal merchant.

The newlyweds reside in a Palazzo about thirty miles from the outskirts of Rhydin.


Waaaaaait a second, RhyDin! Polygamy? Are you serious? Since when is this allowed? Now all of the women in RhyDin are going to be all empowered and stuff!

Way to accumulate mancandy Maranya! And congrats, Alponio. She must be quite a wildcat to have enough feminine wiles to share!

We expect kiddie announcements soon! Hopefully they won't completely loathe you for the name...
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]

Darien Fenner

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February 14th.
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2010, 04:20:40 PM »
Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!


[size=9]Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane[/size]

Dear Emmet,

I am so sick of all this PDA around Rhydin! The Red Dragon Inn has rooms, so why can?t people learn to go somewhere private if they want to be all over each other? Just once I?d like to be able to have a drink in peace without seeing some Rated R action going on. If I want a show, I?ll go to a strip joint!

Sincerely,
PG-13 Perspective



Dear PG-13,
First of all, what exactly do you mean when you say ?Rated R?? If you have an unworldly view of things, Rated R could mean a peck on the cheek in a passing exchange! Judging by your amount of distaste, though, I imagine you?re talking about a little more hands-on behavior.

There are a few guidelines to acceptable public behavior when it comes to your sweetheart, RhyDin. So listen up.

When it comes to touching, observe the four-fingered rule.
This means no grabbing, groping, mauling, pawing, or clawing. When around your honey, having a hand on their hip, back, or arm is totally A-O.K., as long as it does not involve using the thumb (goosing, pinching, etc?). The exception here is, of course, handholding. Handholding is great, RhyDin. It?s a subtle way of showing that you?re into someone without giving your viewers an eyeful.

When in public, observe a kissing quota that you can fulfill in installments of varying degrees.
Abide by a modest quota here, lovebirds! Said quota can be satisfied by a number of innocent cheek kisses, or it can be exhausted all at once by a single make-out sesh. That?s all well and good, RhyDin. Believe me, I?m all for getting a good look at whose relationships are still kicking. But if you?re going to be playing tonsil hockey, get it done, get it over with, and move on to enjoy your evening!

Less is more when it comes to endearments.
It certainly triggers my gag reflex when I hear about what Jane Doe?s cuddly wuddlekins is going to do to his angel muffincake when they get home. Waaaaaaay too much information, children. If you?re going to get sappy or scandalous, keep your comments to yourself, or learn another language to have those conversations. Or better yet, make up your own! Have some creativity. Honestly!

All that aside, I am super stoked to see so much love in the air. But PG, the tone of your letter concerns me? so much so that I simply must question whether or not yours is a case of sour grapes. If you?ve got a honey, get him or her off the sofa and have them take you out to spark things up again. If you haven?t, realize that some couples are just a lot more physical about expressing their love than others. I?m not talking about getting busy in the middle of a bar. But as a gossip columnist, I look forward to seeing which couples are or are not on the rocks. Abide by these rules (mostly), and I?m fairly confident everyone will be satisfied. It?s your life, though, RhyDin! Just have a little bit of class!
[img:56a64444ff]http://i.imgur.com/p4b4I.gif[/img:56a64444ff]