Author Topic: The mind behind the junkie.  (Read 647 times)

Sierra Owens

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The mind behind the junkie.
« on: October 16, 2017, 11:26:41 PM »
[size=11]I?m a trainwreck.

This is something I?ve accepted for a while now. It?s out of my control, really. I could get a job, get cleaned up, and I?d still be a disaster. Out of my siblings, I?m the only one who knows the truth. It?s a curse. My sisters and I? We?re not allowed to have happy lives. It?s just how it is. It?s not what we did, it?s not our fault. I was angry, for a long time over this. I tried to fight it, but it was one that I couldn?t win. The only thing I?any of us?can do, is numb it. Find happiness where we can. Happiness born in vices. Sex, drugs, alcohol? Mine is the second and third. I don?t know why I don?t just go for all three. Maybe it?s because the idea of getting close to someone scares the hell out of me.

I haven?t found my sisters yet, I don?t know if I ever will. But if I do? I wonder if I should tell them. How does one even go about saying something like that?

Hey, just so you know nothing you ever do will benefit you. You?re lucky if anything you do matters at all. Welcome to the family, sis!

I wish I had never known, honestly. At least then I might be something more than this jaded piece of ****. I might have dreams and aspirations instead of just waiting for the drugs to take their toll on my weathered body.  I used to look at the day and not know what it was going to bring. I used to hope.

I used to try.

Now that I know there?s no point, it?s like my reason for existing is just gone?and I can?t even be angry about it anymore?because that would require feeling anything at all for it, and I just?don?t. From the information I?ve gathered, I?m the youngest. Shouldn?t I be the most hopeful? The bright-eyed one? Hell, maybe I am.

I?ve only known one of my sisters, my only full-blooded one. She?s gone now. I?d say to a better place, but? ****, what?s the point? She didn?t even get a proper burial.

She and I had so many plans? Probably too many. So many dreams and ways to actually be somebody, instead of a pair of sister street urchins. I?d give anything to scheme and dream with her just one more time. It wasn?t until she died that I knew the truth. Maybe it wasn?t the truth that took all the optimism from me, maybe it was her. I don?t know anymore. That was a long time ago.

I?m different now.

Not better?

But different.

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[img:63bbaf1478]https://media.giphy.com/media/qhSdY3jfU2TT2/giphy.gif[/img:63bbaf1478]
[color=darkblue:63bbaf1478][size=11:63bbaf1478]"I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."[/size:63bbaf1478][/color:63bbaf1478][size=9:63bbaf1478]--The Killers.[/size:63bbaf1478]

Sierra Owens

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Re: The mind behind the junkie.
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2017, 10:15:45 PM »
Craig...

[size=11]
I met him in an alley.

He didn?t have that look in his eyes. The normal disgust that people hold when they look at me. When they see how skinny I am. He just?gave me a cigarette and talked to me. No judgement. Then he took me to get a drink and we talked. I think he gave me that drink as an excuse to take me back to his place. Not to make a move, but to give me shelter for the night. He didn?t try anything.

Not that it surprises me. Only the lowest and sickest of people try anything with me, and even then, I don?t think it?s because I?m attractive. I?m not. My body is bony and disgusting, I?m underweight and it?s not attractive. I?m not in denial about this.

I don?t think I?ve ever slept that good in my life. Not since?you know. I?m not convinced he didn?t slip me something to help me sleep? I mean, it?s probably because I was on a couch, and it was warm, and safe? But I dunno.

I do think he cares. Which is stupid on his part. For anyone, really.

Craig tries too hard.

Not to be liked, or in that annoying sense. He tries too hard to look happy. To hide something? I haven?t figured out what it is, but I think it has something to do with that picture I saw, of that girl in his medicine cabinet. There?s something there that he won?t reveal to me. To anyone, I think?

There?s a part of me that envies him a bit. His ability to mask it all, to appear to be okay. I don?t think I could pull it off in a million years like he could. There?s the other part of me that hates it, that wants him to stop hiding from me.

But why?

I don?t know just yet?

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[size=9]OOC-- Link to character profile here.[/size]
[img:63bbaf1478]https://media.giphy.com/media/qhSdY3jfU2TT2/giphy.gif[/img:63bbaf1478]
[color=darkblue:63bbaf1478][size=11:63bbaf1478]"I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."[/size:63bbaf1478][/color:63bbaf1478][size=9:63bbaf1478]--The Killers.[/size:63bbaf1478]

Sierra Owens

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Re: The mind behind the junkie.
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2017, 12:24:04 AM »
Zver and Keirra

[size=10]I stole his treehouse. Kind of like an adult rendition of the old phrase; move your feet, lose your seat. Okay, so it was exactly like that. I found an empty treehouse, with a nice set up, and I went to sleep. I woke up, to this curly-haired hoodlum pointing a gun at me. I?ll admit, a part of me wanted him to pull the trigger.

Of course, he said it would be like shooting an abused puppy (or something like that?) Which, he?s right. I?m pathetic.

There was something about him, though. Not quite as lost as me, but there was definitely a cloud over his head. A girl. Not just any girl, I found out. My half-sister. I didn?t know this when I agreed to be his pretend girlfriend.

I kinda screwed myself there?not that I?m surprised. Seems like something I?d do.

She doesn?t even know my name, and she already hates me. I thought? I don?t know what I thought. What did I expect? I dunno, I thought maybe it would take some time for her to hate me? It?s inevitable. But I guess I thought there?d be some grace period where we?d get to know one another. I don?t blame Zver. At this point, I think I?m just not gonna tell her who I am. I think her knowing she?s related to me would just make her upset. I wouldn?t want to be related to me?

I had hopes, I guess. Even if I didn?t want to admit it. That maybe she?d be okay? She?s better off than I am, kind of? In a way. She?s got people that love her very much. It?s more than I?ve ever had?but she insists on sabotaging it. The Owens Curse? She has potential to be happy?but she insists on pushing Zver away. He loves her so much? Nobody has ever looked at me the way he looks at her. I think? I envy that. I?ve got to fix them? I?ve got to do something.

How can I, though?

I screw everything up.

Least I?m good at
something?
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[img:63bbaf1478]https://media.giphy.com/media/qhSdY3jfU2TT2/giphy.gif[/img:63bbaf1478]
[color=darkblue:63bbaf1478][size=11:63bbaf1478]"I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."[/size:63bbaf1478][/color:63bbaf1478][size=9:63bbaf1478]--The Killers.[/size:63bbaf1478]