No Swimming - Keep Out

[SulissurnXukuth]

[Topaz]

[Charlotte Ravenlock]

[Natolii]

From my own perspective...

I have sat here crying because of *** that was done to me. Tasha and Belial have both heard me when I was at my lowest points with people's *** as they talked me out of one of my spirals... For the longest time I was dealing with untreated depression, so those cruel words hit me hard and I did NOT have the tools to cope at all. It plagued on my thoughts, my insecurities... I was also a single parent trying her best to cope on my own with an ex who largely did nothing to help, but was the first to pounce when I hit rock bottom.

The cruel words and the lack of caring from people can and does hurt. How many children and adults on this site have some sort of issue that, like myself or Charlotte, leaves you vulnerable to those words.

The snide answer would be for them to leave, but that is not right either.

And Soerl, you missed the point where those people, when confronted, have denied the attacks. Been there, done it...

How do you propose talking to someone that will lie even when the evidence is in the hands of the one doing the questioning?

==============================================

Do you want to have an even bigger laugh?

My beef with Travanix was well documented. SO much so that when I finally started getting the message that my RL Counselor (Yes folks I am in therapy now on top of meds) was pounding into my thick head on a weekly basis and put an end to the hostility, that someone ran to my friends and made it look like I was plotting to hurt my friends...

Yes, someone took what was meant to be a good thing and turned it malicious. Cost me a valuable friendship... That is what hurts the most.

Well I hope those people can live with their conscience. Because I'm not holding a grudge. I was never told who decided to twist my intentions but I hope they can seriously look themselves in the mirror after I say what I am about to say.

I forgive you.

It is about the only way I am able to step beyond the anger and go on with what I wish to do. I just do not hang in the lobby as often, and I avoid the chat when certain names are present. As much as that hurtsd, it is safer for me.

[Erinalle Dunbridge]

Hi everyone.

So, I've been gone for awhile. I'm sure you all noticed... But, I think it's time I finally speak my mind, or try to. This post was pointed out to me by someone who wanted to talk about it. And now I see why...

I don't have a blog that mentions RP at all, I haven't been to a lot of message boards lately, and in fact, I wouldn't have read DM if I hadn't been in the hospital for the past week. But, really now....

I don't understand how replying to someone trashing you on a message board with an even more public and mean post makes things better... to me it seems like the kind of escalation that leads ot the Meghan like situations. I just don't understand how publically airing problems makes thins better. And in fact, I've tried it, and I got ignored. Literally.

To me, to be honest, having a private friends only place to express a frustration if there is one is healthy. As long as you complain to your friends, what's the harm? I think it's WAY MORE HARMFUL to post mean things about people here, or ME, or anything. You started your post sayin that open crit is what YOU wanted more. Honestly? I much rather have people who have problems with me snark about it in the lobby when I'm not arond than attack me to my face. I've had at least 3 public attacks on this site, and they've left me feeling violated, attacked and raw. When I hear people are bashing me on their blog, I just ask for the opprotunity to respond, or I roll my eyes. And trust me, some of the players here now speaking out against these "problems" have had blog posts just about me. But that was fine, I guess?

Tara, I have nothing against you other than your tendency to read things and jump to a conclusion on wht they say without really reading them. And we all do that sometimes, and I think you would agree. But it does bother me that you like to publically execute people. If we had done that recently with the copywright issues, or with any other list of players that have had problems in the past, would you have stood by it? Found it inappropriate? What I attacked you for that time was RIPPING into Amal. I just think that if it's okay for some people it has to be okay for all people, and how is a culture of destroying people for their mistakes positive?

I think that people try so hard to make things positive here and in the room, and it just gets ignored. Praise posts are out numbered by bitching posts, and people whisper and snark and complain. A public lobby so people can monitor everything someone says about them? We are assuming that people will be embarassed or care if someone sees them say something mean. Some people won't care. And sensitive people whoa re bashed? THey'll hurt. WE'd make it easier for the Meghan siatuaion!!! We can't ban people for not likeing people. And sayin g"Man, I don't like so and so" in the lobby isn't ban worthy. Or is it now?

I don't think anyone is asking what to do. I think if that were the case there would be some suggestions. I think this is a thread where people want to mke other people feel bad. I think it's sad that it went as far as veiling calling people murderers.

What do I think? I think that we should keep up the positive reinforcement. I think the thing like the masque ball are good. More events, perhaps one like the one ME did with the lightly used or new characters party would be nice. I think paying in T&T more...

Or just do what I did, and withdraw some because you can't deal with it. I don't know.

Anyway, I miss you all, and I hope my "two cents" wasn't too bad. Wasn't meant to be.

D
_________________

Singing hallelujah with the fear in your heart
Every spark of friendship and love
Will die without a home

[JewellRavenlock]

[Natolii]

Jewel has the right of it...

Plus a couple of us have posted the real effects this has had on people.

I don't see how there is a misunderstanding given the subsequent posts. But that's just me... I understood Tara's intent immediately.

[Lain Amthras]

You know the great thing about the country we live in? (I'm referring to the US, so apologies to those abroad.) One of the prime principals we were built on was the *right* to speak our mind. If you have a problem with something, say so. If you have an opinion on something, say so.

There's just one catch: You should do it at the thing or person you have the issue with.

If you have a problem with someone, TELL THEM. If you have an opinion about someone or how they do something, TELL THEM. Or? Keep it to yourself. Because remember when you were talking your friends ear off last night for an hour and a half about how Sally Jo BigBoobs waltzed all around, shaking what her Mama gave her, getting all the male attention at the bar, and all that nonsense? Chances are your friend didn't give a crap. And that might be where the problem starts. Because now your friend is irritated with you, and tells one of their friends how much they don't care about your problem with Sally Jo BigBoobs, and it keeps going along down the grapevine until Sally Jo finally hears it.

If people have a problem with the president, they organize protests. If people have a problem in the PTA, they bring it to debate - and so on. I'm not saying that people aren't talking behind other's backs because it's crazy to assume such a thing. I'm just saying that the more mature, grown up members of our society have found a better, more productive way to vent their frustration.

I'm not a big fan of the 24 hour rule because when I'm pissed, I'm pissed, and I want to let the world know, and everything else be damned. But I am a fan of taking a deep breath, putting away your torch and pitchfork, and just taking a second to think a little further down the line. Do you really want to hurt Sally Jo BigBoobs' feelings? Is it her fault that you're jealous of her? If you hesitate, EVEN FOR A MOMENT, what you're saying behind her back isn't worth saying at all. Because in the long run, you know that what you're just about to say will hurt her, and if you'd rather not do that? Pfft - move on.

Swinging back around to Soerl's question - What can we do?

I'm not going to say nothing, but the answer is about two inches shy of just that. WE are the only ones that can control what we do. We can't control others, can't tell them what to do. We aren't responsible for others. We shouldn't have to be their mother and tell them right from wrong. But we can pick and choose how WE behave, how WE take things, and how WE respond.

If someone bitches about me, or what I do, or anything of that nature - and that has happened - is it the end of the world? No. Does it ruin my day? It depends. But, in the end, is it ultimately going to bring me down? Probably not. Because while I want to make sure that no one is upset with me and that I'm not doing anything to cause issues, in the end I know that it's impossible to, and not my job to, please everyone.

I agree with Suliss, and Jochin's players wholeheartedly - don't let it get to you. And if you can't stop it from getting to you, fight it like hell to keep it from taking over your life. Do not let people have that much power over you, the way you feel, and the way you live.

I also agree with Topaz's player that little good words go a long way. If you can't say something nice or amiable, don't say it. Or if you do? Have reasons. Have substantial reasons beyond 'I don't like you.' And also? Own up to what you say.

Notes
1) I'm not saying that it's our constitutional right to bash people with an unholy stick until they hurt themselves.
2) While this is my opinion, I do stray - greatly - from time to time, as do we all. We're only human.
3) All the 'you's' are general, but I hope that I wouldn't have to specify this. Unless someone here really did know a Sally Jo BigBoobs.
_________________
Didn't I let go?
Allowed it, let it grow
If I can't restrain
The beast which dwells inside
It will find its way somehow,
somewhere in time..

[Jochin Nagadari]

It took me a while to poke my head out on here and roleplay. I wanted to first read the OOC area to see what the general consensus was. From what I read, the general consensus was "It's just a game."

"It's just a game."

"RP is just a game. Have fun with it."

"It's just a game. I don't take games too seriously."

So I believed the attitude was just that. It's just a game.

When I was a kid I managed to land my hands on a copy of Super Mario 3. There was a level where you had to make Mario super jump over a tornado that would carry you into harms way if you didn't. I didn't know how to get past that part of the level and it frustrated me to no end. Being just a kid, I would get frustrated and start to shout at the TV screen. When this would happen, my mom would come by and promptly turn my Nintendo off and tell me to go outside. Because I was getting upset over a game.

As I got older I learned to play the part of my mom. Whenever a game upset me I'd just turn it off.

The Megan Meier case is very unfortunate. But Megan was 14 at the time, and thought that her world had ended because of the public humiliation she was subjected to through MySpace, precipitated by people who knew her in real life and then used to ridicule her in school.

From what I understand a lot of us are adults on this site. And from going back and reading a lot of the posts on the board, the general consensus was "It's just a game."

We have the power to shrug off what others say about us. We have the power to decide not to care.

Theres never going to be a time possible where you are going to stop people from talking negative about you to others.

I doubt with what we say here, what we do to enact all the preventetive measures to stop people from bashing, the logs, the copied and pasted blog entries. It's not going to stop it.

There is no way for us to try to control what other people do. We can only control our reactions to it.

If person A says something bad to person B about person C? Choose not to pass it on.

If you hear from person B that person A said something bad about you? Choose not to get upset about it.

If person B comes to you and says that person A trashed you in their blog? Choose not to read it.

If someone is bad mouthing you in the Lobby? Put them on Ignore, and then you don't have to worry about ever seeing their negative thoughts.

[Jochin Nagadari]

Oh, and one more:

If you're person A, and have something bad to say about person C? Keep it to yourself.

[AlexRavenlock]

[SilentEnchantment]

BLOGGING!

I hate hate hate that people do it and involve other people's characters.

Curious?

Google your characters name or your RDI name, you'd be surprised what people have to say about you.

A very close friend of mine was torn to SHREDS on an RDI members blog, just because she did not like him. It literally made me sick to my stomach. These two people had never interacted, yet she hated him for his style of playing and the direction he chose to take HIS character.

I think it is sickening. Yeah, okay it's your blog to talk about your life, but don't you have anything better to do than publically hurt people. Sure you'd never thought they'd read it. But member A,B,and C of RDI are your friends and they have friends and pretty soon Members A-Z of RDI are reading your blog and everyone finds out that you're a cruel, mean person, with apparently a boring life.

I'm not naming any names, heck, this person doesn't even know I've seen what I have. But it disgusted me. It is so childish.

Not to mention the harmful bashing that happens. You have to remember that the person you tell things to, may be friends with the person you're talking about, and they may tell that other person.

I have heard horrible things said about myself, yet, very few people really know me. Very few people have actually interacted with me at RDI. (in the grand scheme of things) yet, there are those that choose to judge me.

Does it hurt? Yes, it does. I'm not strong enough to say "F YOU!" and turn my back. I sit quietly usually and whimper about it and get all insecure about my playing and then I'm okay in a few days or a friend will talk to me and it'll be okay.

I think it's important to remember that we are all here to be creative and have a good time. If you don't like the way someone does something, ignore it, or talk to them, kindly.

I'd much rather someone come to me and kindly say. " You know, I know it's your character but when this happens it bothers me because..."

Rather than that person going to their 5 friends and saying " Omg! She sux so hardcore! I'm never playing with her and you shouldn't either!"

THAT HURTS!

And the public bashing of people in the lobby HAS to stop. If person A wants to talk about person B they will do it if B is there or not, they don't care.

Or they'll be "sneaky" and do it when B is not around, oh but look, B's best friend C has a lurking charcter and sees it all.

GROW UP! I'm over it. I am over people being catty and jealous and attention wh*res. This isn't supposed to be about who can have the most friends or items or any of that. Really. We need to get back to the basics.

I'm telling any one of you right here and now. If you have a problem with me anything at all, please feel free to PM me and we'll discuss it. I'd rather you talk to me and know the truth about me, then gossip and create lies. That is if you are not a coward.

-A
_________________

The Admiral's Vamp

[Alysia Skye]

I’m not sure about the wisdom of assuming you know the reasons or motivations for anyone’s posts – IC or OOC, blog or forum – particularly when you aren’t aware of the full situation and/or can’t be bothered to ask. (That “If you don't like the way someone does something, ignore it, or talk to them, kindly” concept is supposed to work both ways, isn't it? ) Unless you have psychic powers that magically work via the internet, it’s pretty rich to assume hate and ascribe malice where they do not exist.

I realize I’m in the minority with this perspective, but I have a lot of respect for roleplayers who risk unpopularity in their community by openly, honestly, and civilly expressing what they’re thinking when they perceive a problem, be it on a blog or on the community’s forums. I think somewhat less highly of roleplayers who can only express their concerns using sockpuppets and sly and indirect asides.

I believe open, objective, and constructive public discussion is good - even when it’s uncomfortable. Maybe especially when it’s uncomfortable. In that regard, I see no problem with bloggers quoting, commenting on, and/or inviting discussion of public posts or excerpts from public roleplay chats – all of which really can’t be done here without violating site guidelines.

Here, I’ll join the bash bandwagon: I’m not naming names, but if you’re publicly bashing several players and telling them to go find another “creative outlet” because you don’t approve of the way they roleplay here, or if you’re publicly god-moding and thought-sniping and bashing and black-listing those who don’t go along with your wank, and your actions are then publicly discussed on someone else’s blog, I think you have appropriately reaped what you have sown. If you don’t want to be held accountable for what you’ve said or done publicly, may I go so far as to suggest that you don’t say it publicly? And yes – that applies to me, too. I’m well aware that what is publicly posted on my blog is fair game.

When uncensored, people tend to show their true colors, and I think that’s important. So I fully support people’s rights to make public asses of themselves (myself included), whether it’s on message board forums or their own blogs.

Incidentally, it's not a good idea jump to conclusions about who knows that "you've seen what you have." Chance are, when you visit a blog, the blog owner knows exactly who you are and what you’ve seen. Unless you go to certain lengths to cover your tracks, blog owners know when you visited their blog, how you found their blog, what your search results looked like, what you looked at while you were on their blog and how long you looked at it, what your IP address is, what town you’re in, and who your network provider is. If you’re accessing the site from work or school, they may also be able to discern the name of the place where you work or go to school.

[SilentEnchantment]

Fine if they know. I don't care if anyone does see me reading their "public" blog.

I still think its B.S. BUT thats my right to an opinion. As is yours to blog if that's what you enjoy.


EDIT:

And if the intention behind blogging is not a cruel one. What really is the intention?

To me it just seems like a public crucifying of people and to humiliate or embarass them. I just think its a poor judgement. But again, just MY feeling on the matter. No need for everyone to feel the same.

[Panther]